God is never slow

s her superior, I was helping a postulant discern her vocation, as she struggled with the decision of whether to continue her monastic life. I recognized her impatience and desire for instant decisions, both of which are common in secular life today, as well as her frustration at not being able to make her own decisions freely. Having lived with my own innate ambition, stubbornness, recklessness, impatience, and clumsiness for more than half a century, I have come to understand how difficult it is to manage these impulses in this unique way of life. However, I wanted to convey to her the importance of trusting in God's timing and provision, a lesson I had learned through my own trials and tribulations. One day, I came across this video on YouTube.

God is never slow : https://youtube.com/shorts/RIazRF11U7o

The words of Jesus echo in my ears.  “Amen, I say to you, a son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees his father doing; for what he does, his son will do also.” (John 5:19)

It naturally links to a personal experience. When I was at primary and secondary school, perhaps due to my unique sensitivity, I struggled to fit in and often refused to go. In the mornings, I would linger at home even after it was time to leave. Seeing this, my father would often drive me to the school gate. I would sit quietly in the passenger seat, resigned to my fate, like a cat caught by the scruff of its neck. On the way, I would shrink into myself in silence, feeling gloomy, while also blankly taking in my surroundings: the sound of the key turning in the ignition; the engine starting in response; the steady rhythm and intervals of the engine noise caused by my father's left hand shifting gears; the subtle changes in gravity as the speed varied; and the timing of when he slowly shifted down and applied the brakes as the light turned yellow. Years later, after entering a monastery, I was ordered to obtain a driving license. Then I noticed something: whether accelerating or decelerating, I knew the exact timing of the gear changes that the instructor was meticulously instructing me on from the passenger seat, even before he said them. The engine sound, gears, accelerator, brakes, and gravitational force were all connected, forming a single rhythm. This living 'knack' was already there in my body, which has nothing to do with my own efforts.

Prayer, I believe, is to remain as a human being originally created, with "emptiness", or Vacare Deo, as the vessel that receives God. This lies beneath the thick layers of our own will, or natural unconscious impulse to control God and make Him obey us. Incidentally, with only a slight difference in spelling, we have a Japanese word 'baka', a derogatory meaning 'idiot', seemingly a corrupted form of the Sanskrit word 'moha', referring to 'ignorance'. Recognizing one's own ignorance before God, humbling oneself and entrusting oneself to God with a heart at ease in His presence — this is what I always turn into a pun. It is a reminder to myself not to be pushy or stick my nose into everything, trying to do everything on my own, and missing something important and messing things up. Prayer is first and foremost about accepting oneself as a useless servant and opening up to God with attentiveness and mindfulness.

St. Benedict says: “First of all, every time you begin a good work, you must pray to him most earnestly to bring it to perfection. In his goodness, he has already counted us as his sons, and therefore we should never grieve him by our evil actions.” (R.B. Preface 4)

Personally, I set myself this goal for Lent this year. As I was consciously putting it into practice, I realized how far I was from "first of all, every time, pray earnestly." It is frightening that the majority of "good deeds" appear to be actions I can perform independently, without the need for divine intervention. Trusting God fully with His timing and having faith that He will make things happen can be hard.At least I realised to some extent that prayer probably aims for this: for God to become the living context of my life; for everything I do to be done in relation to God; and for me to become my true self in this way.

Coincidentally, I was asked to write this article around that time. I decided to base it on the video I mentioned earlier, but unfortunately, I failed to bookmark it on YouTube or save it to my computer, where I thought I had downloaded it. I was at a loss. So I prayed to the Virgin Mary; if this is truly what the Lord wants me to write about, let me find the video again at the perfect time when I should write it. Then, three months later, I happened to find it in my video files. This allowed me to complete the document within just three days. As the title of the video says, God is indeed never slow. Interestingly, even cynically enough, the moment I found the video was the very next day after the postulant I mentioned earlier left us, having endured a painful discernment process. 'Lord, this is your right timing, isn't it?' With a bittersweet feeling, I look at the finalised document.